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The Funny Bride Guide: A humorous, but
practical guide for the bride!


The Torment of Tulle

Let's be fair. All the groom has to do is determine what size he needs, place the order, and pick it up -- hmm, sounds like ordering a pizza. So, why should the bride go through so much work? Why? Because she is the star!

You have several options to dress without stress for the Big Day.

1. Buy Your Own. Shop till you drop. Try, try, try to find the perfect dress. Spend thousands of dollars on one dress for one day. Add to this the cost of cleaning and martinizing for eternal safekeeping. Not forgetting the space it will take up in your closet. Hmmm....Is there any logic here? Limit your budgets, ladies! Think more about your inner beauty, skin, hair and make up. Work out and feel good about yourself. Any dress, at any cost will look great on you.

2. Rent. This is an option no ``real'' bride considers. Right? Wrong! After the wedding, we all reconsider. All that money, in a box taking up space. Go ahead, if you dare...RENT. Couldn't you use that dress money for your honeymoon or to buy a new car? No one has to know...

3. The Family Heirloom.Being the sentimental girl that you are, you have made up your mind to wear a dress that's been in the family for years. Say its your mother's, grandmother's or even your great grandmother's dress. This is fine and well, but put this garment to the ``dress stress test.'' Do a few squat thrusts, deep knee bends and Rockette style kicks. Hug someone, fall on the floor and go to the bathroom. In short, think of it as a dress rehearsal for your dress.

Old wedding dresses have been known to disintegrate on the spot, so this test is crucial. Remember: ``the older the dress, the tougher the test.'' Double up your activity per decade according to the age of the dress. When finished you'll have peace of mind and have completed a heck of a workout.

4. Sew Your Own. Begin sewing two years in advance. Our advice? Don't. Unless you're a seamstress, and we mean a seamstress, don't sew your own! You'll be a crooked mass of taffeta and tulle. Who needs the added anxiety? Making curtains is one thing; a wedding dress is quite another. Think long and hard before you decide on sewing your own.